Monday, 17 October 2016

Amazing Feedback

Almost reduced to tears of emotion/ happiness/ loving the world in a psychedelic moment when I received this message from someone who read MY book and subsequently changed their life around. Powerful stuff and grateful to play a part:

Proud to say I am nearly 20 months sober and living a life beyond any dreams I ever had. I credit you because I wasn't someone who could do AA and I never even knew there were online sober support groups until reading Sober is the New Black. With that one book you changed not only my life but the lives of those I love. I was sober for my first grandchild's birth and every special milestone in his little life. I am here and I am being real for the first time since about age 12. Making all sorts of mistakes and often overwhelmed and never sure of anything except: I will never ever touch that stupid poison again. Thank YOU.

Sunday, 16 October 2016

The Lone Drinker

On holiday at present and this evening we were taken out to an Italian Restaurant by another couple. I don't drink, neither does the other woman, my OH was driving and there were 2 kids. There was only one person drinking. 
First 2 beers while we chatted, then wine with dinner. But not in a civilised way. It was a buffet restaurant with serve yourself drinks too. A coke machine, water, fruit juice dispenser and a wine tap. The other man in the group poured and drank 3 full very large wine glasses full of wine, pretty swiftly after remarking that the first sip wasn't that nice. More than a bottle in less than an hour.
I watched his face become first red, then blotchy as he relaxed. He became more animated and talkative. Not that the stories weren't interesting, and not that they were repeats or anything, but no-one else got a word in once his tipping point was reached. No one else told a story, no others conversed, I couldn't politely excuse myself to the loo, we couldn't leave when we were finished without appearing rude and interrupting another tale.
It made me bored. I felt embarrassed for the children whose boredom I could sense. And most of all I felt sad. Because that man is my father.
Always knew it was like that with him, but don't often see it. Don't really want to see it again. Might now limit seeing him to when he comes to ours (and he drives) or at outings which don't involve booze. Tonight was their invitation on their terms. From now on it'll be my way. I feel harsh and hypocritical as I was once exactly the same, but now Im not, and quite frankly its ugly and I don't want to see it.

Friday, 14 October 2016

10 Signs which mean you really DO need to stop. Completely.

I guess we have all made some attempt(s) to give up alcohol in the past. Whether it's a day or two off, a severe hangover leading to great announcements that we will never drink again to several weeks or more, something always sends us back to the bottle.
The truth is, you will only stop drinking when you, really want to stop. And want to stop so badly you can make the leap of faith and believe that it is possible there is life beyond booze.

Here are some of the signs I, and perhaps you, will recognise as signifying the time to stop has finally arrived.
  1. You open the wine with dismay thinking 'Here we go again'. 
  2. You notice the repeating pattern of: Plan to restrict, get drunk, regret it, plan to restrict... yet you cannot stop it recurring.
  3. You no longer have enough time to spend a whole day incapacitated by a hangover.
  4. Your hangovers last two days (or more...)
  5. You avoid socialising so you can drink more at home, alone.
  6. You hate the feeling of helplessness you have as alcohol dictates your life.
  7.  You have no idea how to stop. (This was me. Sometime told me to 'Just stop.' Sounds simple eh?)
  8. You think stopping drinking would be preferable to your life at present. In fact, anything would be better than your life at present.
  9. Those around you stop giving you a hard time about your drinking and allow you to drink. They know you need a certain amount to function and do not wish to stand in the way of that.
  10. You begin to ask others how they stopped drinking, you read sober blogs, you buy sober books and you question your belief that you could not cope without it. You begin to wonder if maybe you could? Surely not all sober people are making it up or telling lies about how it is actually ok, or even better than ok?
Personally I was completely sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

Best wishes if you are starting to stop.
Welcome back if you have not given up on giving up.

Friday, 29 April 2016

Do not miss this...

Whether to identify your own rock bottom or reassure yourself that 'you're not that bad', please don't miss the chance to watch this honest documentary and then ask yourself if you still think having a drink is glamorous and sophisticated.

Tuesday, 8 March 2016

Approaching 3 year anniversary

I'm still here. Thank you for all your lovely comments and emails- I've not replied to every one of them yet but I will get there! I've also deleted all the spammers who have been 'commenting' on posts.

At the end of the month I'm 3 years sober and finding it still a mixed bag: albeit 99% good, there is still, still, a feeling of loss at times. It is brought into focus by certain things and last weekend it was watching the documentary about the life and demise of Amy Winehouse, UK jazz singer, through alcohol and drugs. She died in 2011 from an acute overdose of alcohol.

In 2008, when clean sober and dry, she won a Grammy for best single with Rehab and her reaction was remarkable

However, after the cameras moved onto the next item, her documentary cameras continued to roll as she beckoned to her best friend to join her on stage, before both quickly disappeared back stage.

What did she say to her best friend at this defining moment in her life?

'This is all so shit without drugs'

I can relate to this. Periodically I feel the ennui of a stable boring life and long, usually just for a moment, to get absolutely drunk, talk rubbish, feel excited, dance, go wild and wonder where the evening will take me. Even the thought of the hangover the next day is not sufficient to dampen the want completely.

So, doing well, but not cured, not by any means.
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